Sorry I have not updated my journal lately. I have been a bit distraught. The loss of my daughter hit me something fierce. It has just been now that I have been able to sit and write about it. I did not know what to say. I was at a loss for words, and that does not happen to me often.

Katie will be missed by me. There is not a day that goes by I do not think about her and how she was. She had made so many strides for improvement. Not but a week before we had been celebrating her 11th birthday. All seemed fine.

She was having issues with diarrhea, so we took her to the doctor. The doctor was not sure what was going on so he had her admitted for monitoring. 24 hours later my wife and I were leaving the hospital without our beloved Katie. It is all too sudden life changes.

I have searched for reasons for this. Why? Why her? Why now? Why when things were going so good? I still remain at a loss for words and emotions that fit.

I had dealt with loss before, with my father. But I had some amount of preparing (although only 2 weeks) before his untimely departure from the earth at age 43. But this was different. I don’t understand how, but it is.

Is it the fact that she was just a child? That she had not “lived” her life? I am not sure.

It could be that I could do nothing to stop it. I wanted to, but there was nothing I could do. I keep blaming myself - that I should have known something. That if I had been more persistent with the doctors or taken her in a day earlier it would have mattered - that the doctors would have had the time to figure this thing out. It is want haunts me and the nightmares I still have to this day.

I sometimes stand at the entrance to her room and peer into it. It is still. It is quiet... too quiet. It is a quiet too hard to fathom. I imagine her looking at me from her bed as she watches her television and plays carelessly, but so focused. It is a vision that brings such joy and such pain altogether.

If there was a word to sum up my feeling and thoughts it is confusion. It seems to be the most fitting.

We would later come to find out that she had died of a Volvulus bowel, or simply put twisted bowel. There was nothing anything anyone could have done to stop it. But I guess that is all part of the grieving process.

Life has started to get “back to normal” I suppose. We are re-writing our path without Katie. It is harder thing than you would imagine doing. You revolve your life around one person for so long, and then they are gone in an instant.

We have been getting the house to the way we want it and make sure that is in order. That has been keeping our minds somewhat at ease in regards to the situation. But I miss her, and I always will…

Well I have been busy still. But wanted to drop a line to everyone and let them know I have found a new job. I start March 3rd. That is my official out date. I am on leave from the military until separate. I am anxious to see what the job will entail and what it will be like, seeing it is my first civilian job in 9 years. I will miss the Air Force, but I felt that it was time to move on - other things to look into and other adventures to have. I intend to continue pursuing my artwork, mainly as hobby. Although I would love to make a career out of it, it is hard to do so.

Linda and I are doing great. As they say, no news is good news.

Today marks the last day of being “in my twenties.” And I concede that 30 is not old, it is definitely the start of not being young. But what are you to do? Everyone ages. You just got to make the best of it I suppose.

Well hopefully I will post more. I am trying to get to everyone’s comments and such. As always thanks for the support!


Linda's book is now available at places like "Barnes and Noble" [link] and "Borders" , [link] so check it out. And if you cannot buy online, go to your local store and request through them. I am sure they can do that for you.


An artist had been working on a nude portrait for a long time. Every day, he was up early and worked late - bringing perfection with every stroke of his paint brush. As each day passed, he gained a better understanding of the female body and was able to really make his paintings shine.
After a month, the artist had become very weary from this non-stop effort and decided to take it easy for the day. Since his model had already shown up, he suggested they merely have a glass of wine and talk - since normally he preferred to do his painting in silence.
They talked for a few hours, getting to know each other better. Then as they were sipping their claret, the artist heard a car arriving outside. He jumped up and said, "Oh no! It's my wife! Quick, take off your clothes!"

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Here are some friends I admire and have supported me for some time now and give me plenty of feedback on my work. I can count on them time and time again to point me in right direction. You should check them out. Also if you were not mentioned, let me know. To error is human. These are in no particular order.









"My Phantom in the Flesh" by: lmmercer [link]
"Friendship" by: VictoriaHarte [link]
"My Sweet Angel" by: ImperialHalo13 [link]
"Always Mine" by: dark-angel-moonlight [link]
"Inside The Glass" by: Angsty-Poet [link]

Quote: “There is a boundary to men's passions when they act from feelings; but none when they are under the influence of imagination.” -- Edmund Burke

Well I guess I deserve that. I fell off the face of the earth for a while. I have been busy with life. Been working full time as well as doing double-full Time College at 2 schools. I got my associates degree in 6 months time (a two year degree mind you) and working on my Bachelors. That will be done in less than a year. I am now Microsoft Certified, Network+ certified and Security+ certified.

So needless to say… I have been busy! So what is everyone else up to? I hope all is good with my DeviantART friends. I hope the upcoming Holidays receive you well!

Linda and I are doing well. We get along pretty good. We have our few and rare moments, but what couple doesn’t? All in all it is going really well! Well I hope it is not next year when I do another one of these. Drop me a line, I am curious to see how everyone is doing!


Linda's book is now available at places like "Barnes and Noble" [link] and "Borders" , [link] so check it out. And if you cannot buy online, go to your local store and request through them. I am sure they can do that for you.


An artist had been working on a nude portrait for a long time. Every day, he was up early and worked late - bringing perfection with every stroke of his paint brush. As each day passed, he gained a better understanding of the female body and was able to really make his paintings shine.
After a month, the artist had become very weary from this non-stop effort and decided to take it easy for the day. Since his model had already shown up, he suggested they merely have a glass of wine and talk - since normally he preferred to do his painting in silence.
They talked for a few hours, getting to know each other better. Then as they were sipping their claret, the artist heard a car arriving outside. He jumped up and said, "Oh no! It's my wife! Quick, take off your clothes!"

------------------------------------

Here are some friends I admire and have supported me for some time now and give me plenty of feedback on my work. I can count on them time and time again to point me in right direction. You should check them out. Also if you were not mentioned, let me know. To error is human. These are in no particular order.









"My Phantom in the Flesh" by: lmmercer [link]
"Friendship" by: VictoriaHarte [link]
"My Sweet Angel" by: ImperialHalo13 [link]
"Always Mine" by: dark-angel-moonlight [link]
"Inside The Glass" by: Angsty-Poet [link]

Quote: “There is a boundary to men's passions when they act from feelings; but none when they are under the influence of imagination.” -- Edmund Burke

Sorry I haven't been updating my journal like I should. I have been fairly busy in life. I have been going to school and also trying to find time to spend with my family. This has proven to be quite a task. But I hope to comment more in the near future on all your great works. I also hope to post up the few pieces i have been able to complete.

I have gotten A's on my first few classes, and I am glad about that. I hope to do equally good in classes to come.

I also have been studying for my Network+ certification. I am now Network+ certified and hope to continue on and become Security+ and Microsoft certified over the next few months. I also want to complete my associates degree in Information technology by the time I get out of the military. So my plate remains full.

Life with Linda is great. We get along great. I have never been in a relationship like this before, and feel very lucky to have found her. We bought a new car together. It is a fairly nice car too. I traded in my 2005 Hyundai for a 2007 Suzuki SX4. It has All-wheel drive and more power than my other car, with plenty options. It is by far the nicest car I have owned.

All in all, life has never been more satisfying.

Linda's book is now available at places like "Barnes and Noble" [link] and "Borders" , [link] so check it out. And if you cannot buy online, go to your local store and request through them. I am sure they can do that for you.


An artist had been working on a nude portrait for a long time. Every day, he was up early and worked late - bringing perfection with every stroke of his paint brush. As each day passed, he gained a better understanding of the female body and was able to really make his paintings shine.
After a month, the artist had become very weary from this non-stop effort and decided to take it easy for the day. Since his model had already shown up, he suggested they merely have a glass of wine and talk - since normally he preferred to do his painting in silence.
They talked for a few hours, getting to know each other better. Then as they were sipping their claret, the artist heard a car arriving outside. He jumped up and said, "Oh no! It's my wife! Quick, take off your clothes!"

------------------------------------

Here are some friends I admire and have supported me for some time now and give me plenty of feedback on my work. I can count on them time and time again to point me in right direction. You should check them out. Also if you were not mentioned, let me know. To error is human. These are in no particular order.









"My Phantom in the Flesh" by: lmmercer [link]
"Friendship" by: VictoriaHarte [link]
"My Sweet Angel" by: ImperialHalo13 [link]
"Always Mine" by: dark-angel-moonlight [link]
"Inside The Glass" by: Angsty-Poet [link]

Quote: “There is a boundary to men's passions when they act from feelings; but none when they are under the influence of imagination.” -- Edmund Burke