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About Me Member Varied Artist mikey-madness30/Male/United States Recent Activity Deviant for 3 Years
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Life Without Katie...

Journal Entry: Sun Jun 8, 2008, 11:00 PM
Sorry I have not updated my journal lately. I have been a bit distraught. The loss of my daughter hit me something fierce. It has just been now that I have been able to sit and write about it. I did not know what to say. I was at a loss for words, and that does not happen to me often.

Katie will be missed by me. There is not a day that goes by I do not think about her and how she was. She had made so many strides for improvement. Not but a week before we had been celebrating her 11th birthday. All seemed fine.

She was having issues with diarrhea, so we took her to the doctor. The doctor was not sure what was going on so he had her admitted for monitoring. 24 hours later my wife and I were leaving the hospital without our beloved Katie. It is all too sudden life changes.

I have searched for reasons for this. Why? Why her? Why now? Why when things were going so good? I still remain at a loss for words and emotions that fit.

I had dealt with loss before, with my father. But I had some amount of preparing (although only 2 weeks) before his untimely departure from the earth at age 43. But this was different. I don’t understand how, but it is.

Is it the fact that she was just a child? That she had not “lived” her life? I am not sure.

It could be that I could do nothing to stop it. I wanted to, but there was nothing I could do. I keep blaming myself - that I should have known something. That if I had been more persistent with the doctors or taken her in a day earlier it would have mattered - that the doctors would have had the time to figure this thing out. It is want haunts me and the nightmares I still have to this day.

I sometimes stand at the entrance to her room and peer into it. It is still. It is quiet... too quiet. It is a quiet too hard to fathom. I imagine her looking at me from her bed as she watches her television and plays carelessly, but so focused. It is a vision that brings such joy and such pain altogether.

If there was a word to sum up my feeling and thoughts it is confusion. It seems to be the most fitting.

We would later come to find out that she had died of a Volvulus bowel, or simply put twisted bowel. There was nothing anything anyone could have done to stop it. But I guess that is all part of the grieving process.

Life has started to get “back to normal” I suppose. We are re-writing our path without Katie. It is harder thing than you would imagine doing. You revolve your life around one person for so long, and then they are gone in an instant.

We have been getting the house to the way we want it and make sure that is in order. That has been keeping our minds somewhat at ease in regards to the situation. But I miss her, and I always will…

  • Mood: Anguish

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Devious Info

  • Current Residence: Colorado
  • Interests: Painting, drawing, writing and computers
  • Favourite movie: Dead Poets Society, Dumb and Dumber, ShawShank Redemption, Good Will Hunting, and Spaceballs
  • Favourite band or musician: Too many to seperate out
  • Favourite genre of music: Metal/Punk/Alternative/Grunge/Ska/ALL
  • Favourite artist: Van Gogh, Monet, Salvador Dali and MC Escher
  • Favourite poet or writer: Edgar Allen Poe
  • Favourite style of art: Surrealism
  • Personal Quote: The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing. --Socrates
  • Tools of the Trade: Mostly colored pencils, some computer stuff

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Comments


:iconzoshalucyna:
Hi, sorry for the spam, but I just want to let you know that I resubmitted a better photo of one of my drawings that you :+fav:'ed before, in case you care about that kind of thing, if not, I'm sorry I disturbed you! :aww: Thanks! :D

[link]

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Please look at my gallery! :aww:
Visit my etsy shops! [link] [link]

"To paint a battle requires those mighty artists with chaos in their brush." --Victor Hugo
:iconladylionink:
first let me say how sorry i am for your loss.she will always be in your heart and by your side.
secondly, you take wonderous pictures and have a great eye for the world.

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my gallery [link]
:iconmuk1:
Thanks for the add.

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Computer generated monkeys silently operate a space station.
:iconmalachidesigns:
wow great work thanks for the favs
:iconsteele01:
thanks for the add!
:iconheetero:
thanx for the fav!
:iconngoff:
Thanks so much for the :+fav: on my 3 Evils! :blushes:

I can't intertwine like you, but it's something that pays off in the end when it all comes together and keeps the composition moving.

I'm sorry for your loss and hope things flow the way your beautiful artwork does...creating harmony out of all the chaos and paths crossed.

:hug:

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-Nicole =)

"Ah-HA! Compliment sandwich technique! Your crit-fu is strong!"
-*stalk
:iconlusc-fire:
thank you for the fav

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Why do we fall?

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